Words can make or unmake a relationship. It is obvious that communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. But, just as words have the ability to build up, they also have the power to tear down.
Relationships are fragile – and all it takes is one snarky comment or snide remark to tear down months – or years – of ‘ good and healthy relationship.
While it’s impossible to ‘police’ every word that comes out of your mouth (especially when you’re angry or hurt) –
it is probably a good idea to be very mindful when it comes to choosing what you say, and of course, how you say it! Here are the five words your partner should never hear from you:
1. “You always!” or “You never!”
Absolute phrases like “always” and “never” carry a lot of weight. How truthful are you being when you say something like “You never help with the kids!”? Is it that your partner truly, never helps? Or, that he often works late, and thus only helps with what he can?
If you think about it, there’s a big difference.
Instead of assassinating your partner’s character with hurtful, unproductive statements during an unrelated fight; rather take a minute when you’re not at each other’s throats and acknowledge what your partner does, and then ask them if they could find time to help you out in other ways!
2. Saying “I want a divorce” during argument
In a marriage, it’s normal for silly arguments to spiral out of control. What is not normal, and not OK, is to hurl the ‘D’-word around – unless you are 100% sure that you have come to that point in your relationship.
If you haven’t, then threatening divorce is nothing more than that – an idle threat – and all you’re essentially communicating is that you have one foot out of the relationship, and your partner certainly can’t feel ‘safe’ with your commitment anymore!
3. “I make more money than you”
Bringing up who pays for what will never get you anywhere. It shouldn’t matter who makes more money – because at the end of the day, you’re a team that’s building a life together. Whatever belongs to you belongs to your partner as well. So it is never ideal to make it obvious.
If a woman makes more money than her husband, there is certainly no problem with that. However, where the problem comes in is when she just decides to buy things (properties, cars or anything very tangible) or pay some huge bills without necessarily discussing it with the head of the house which happens to be the man.
Actions like this, kill the man’s ego and pride because it is in the nature of a man to give and provide for his family and if that is not what is happening it breaks them down.
4. “You’re overreacting”
We often pass remarks like “Calm down!”, “You’re too sensitive” and “You’re overreacting!” when we don’t understand why our partner feels a certain way.
But, what we tend to forget, is that just because we might not understand how they feel, doesn’t mean that their feelings aren’t justified.
Your partner’s emotions are always valid – and need to be heard, not dismissed. An alternative statement to try might be something like; “I can understand why you feel that way, but maybe tomorrow you will feel differently about it!”. “Let’s see how best we can go about this issue”